Dear You

 

Dear Sweet Girl Who Deserves Love and Wonderful Things in Your Life, all the time:

I hope this letter will explain how I feel about writing; and a lot of other important stuff.(Sorry, there’s some swearing; but the grown-up you cusses.)

What corrupted our inner fire? Why do we pray for invisibility?  Why do we hate ourselves?  Why do we fear what others think of us?  At what age do we stop believing in magic?

How can we begin to believe in ourselves?  How hard will we work to reclaim our power?  How will we share our bounty with the world?  When will we begin?  When will we say, aloud, that we are worth everything?

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My dear sister inspired me to add this image and quote.  Thank you Linda and thank you George!

Beware of anyone who refuses to tell you the rules:

There is a lapse in my judgment and I get excited about my 8th grade English class – a unit in creative writing.  But the teacher never told me that she didn’t want me to use hyperbole, or idioms, or colloquialism. She only said I was doing it wrong and gave me a big fat gigantic insanely humongous “F”.  As in, FUCK YOU.

What do you know about these things in 8th grade when your hormones are a disaster and being in your body is actually worse than being in your mind?

This is what I did(do) to cope:

I tell everyone before they find out on their own.  I’m really a bad writer.

Writing is just not my thing.  I say it like a teenager that pretends she doesn’t care.  But I care, painfully.

And then it’s assumed. I have put it out there for everyone to know and see.

And eventually, they say:  You are right.  Not your skill-set. You’re not a good writer.  It doesn’t flow naturally.

And I continue to do this to myself for the next 35 years.  THIRTY-FIVE.

Am I unable to give writing another try simply because I’ve never honestly tried to do it well?  Am I unable to take a chance and have no fear about what others will say and think?       Am I too scared?  Who can it hurt?

One day I woke up and I was a middle-aged woman.

And I don’t tell anyone, because I’m scared to say it out loud –

But I guess I decided, I’m going to write; and I am rewriting my own rules.

I guess I’ve finished letting past hurts dictate who I am.

I guess I’ve decided to figure out who I’ll be when I grow up.

I’m not sure I can write fiction.  I’m still trying to get a grip on reality.

But I have discovered I really love writing about ordinary things that are important to me.

I love pondering the questions that circle my brain every day.

This is how it goes:

I pour my soul out onto paper; and mostly end up with bullshit.

And sometimes I end up with something that makes my heart feel full and good.

Each time I make something, the first level is all surface chatter, painful things, and half-truths.

If I can keep my focus, if I can keep myself on track; sometimes I can peel away the layers and extract love.  Then I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

Even now, sometimes the small, mean voice tells me I cannot write.

But I can.  I do.  I know you might not like it.  But I like it, just fine.

And, I love you.

From the girl you might be in 2016.

and P.S.  I know I’m not supposed to begin sentences with AND and BUT; but I did it anyway.

 

AmyLee 4/7/2016

 

 

 

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About amosgirl

Now that I'm a grownup, I'm learning to use my words. The stories of my life and my family began as an expression of my love. Please enjoy - I hope they make you smile.
This entry was posted in Thoughts to Share and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Dear You

  1. Joyful2bee says:

    You have probably heard that artists are their own worst critics. Well it is true. Think about the rules we were taught for poetry. Boy did they ever change and opened a whole new world of creativity. Writing is you. If people like you, then th
    ey will like what you have to say, regardless of when you take creative license or make your own rules!! Keep up the good work!!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. amosgirl says:

    Thank you for the kind words Joyful2bee!

    Like

  3. tmisseghers says:

    Don’t stop writing!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. MimiTa says:

    Wow. This post was really inspirational. I could relate to it because I often doubt my writing skills, since I never was the brightest student in English class. I would be really embarrassed of my work because my essays sounded like peasant talk or something like that next to my classmates’ eloquent essays..haha.. *inserts a couple of awkward chuckles*
    To me, I feel like the content and the ideas that are in your writing are in a sense more important than your writing style, if that makes sense. I mean, writing style is something stylistic and subjective that mainly brings pleasure into reading; however, your content and your ideas are the crux of your writing, as people’s preferences for writing style can be capricious. I think that you’re that type of writer who puts out really helpful, inspirational content 🙂
    So rock on, and don’t let that inner voice get to you! But at the same time…I guess that the inner voice of doubt can sometimes spur us on to improve our writing in a way…so I guess that it’s useful…ish 😄

    Liked by 1 person

  5. amosgirl says:

    @mimiTa – WOW to you! Thank you for visiting and reading my post. My inner voice isn’t very nice at times and I really try to push through…it helps to know others go through the same thing. Take care and please come visit again. I checked out your site, gave you a follow and I’m saying it back to you. JUST WOW! So happy to blog-meet you!

    Like

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